brightesttwilight

Pets and the Divine

Posted on November 28, 2020 by brightesttwilight

Like many people I found myself struggling as COVID altered the reality that I found myself living. I do not handle change well and I had friends leaving the area, a school semester that didn’t end well, the fact that transitioning from school to work is coming up, clubs not meeting in person (and I’m a person that does better getting to know people face to face), and classes going from in-person to a weird combination of online and in-person. In October however I got a reminder about how when we work with the Divine they will always make their presence known.

To simplify the story: when I was struggling the most the opportunity to get a cat came into my life. And she got me thinking about the relationships between people and Gods.

My cat in the early days when she decided under my bed was the safest space. She still thinks that but she goes other places now too.

I had been feeding a stray cat in the parking lot of my apartment complex since late summer. My hope was to eventually get them to the humane society (a no kill shelter). My apartment was not pet friendly and I had no way to afford the start up costs of a pet of any kind. One night I went outside to check on the moon (a school assignment, actually). It was also one of the hardest days for myself mentally. And there under my car was a set of yellow eyes looking at me. It had been a few weeks since I had seen the cat around and immediately went to get it food. The cat came pretty close to eat although they were skittish and not wanting me to touch them. I talked to them and felt myself feel better than I had in days. Later that week my mother mentioned that she thought an ESA animal could be beneficial and that she was willing to help me with start up costs. My therapist agreed a cat could be useful and I got the letter and things sorted with the managers. And that cat literally walked into my apartment. Something I didn’t think was possible or feasible happened. I was grateful (still am) and knew that God was involved. I could practically hear Him say “I got you”.

She spent a lot of time grooming herself when she first walked into my apartment.

I found out her gender and got her fixed and vaccinated (yay humane society). Then there was adjusting to living in a space with another living creature again. Something I have not done in over 3 years. Looking around my apartment to see what I could do to make the cat more comfortable. Moving around an apartment with a shadow of a cat that, when up, is constantly around my feet. No matter how many times I accidentally start to kick her or actually stumble over her. Figuring out why she went from eating and drinking happily to not. Turned out she prefers wide mouthed dishes (okay, not prefers- requires). Adjusting that I want far more physical contact than she would prefer.

Kitty watching me while I write this article.

But one day I found myself contemplating something. How does my cat view this relationship? Does she see us as equals? Does she understand that I want to protect her? Does she see me as a food dispenser that is generally non-functioning? Am I a weird cat to her or does she understand that I’m not a cat?

That lead to me wondering how much is this dynamic like the ones with God and myself? To clarify, I don’t see myself as a pet of God or vice versa. But how much are the emotions involved alike? Assuming deities feel emotions. My feelings of love and affection for her when she is being cute. Joy when I pull out a cat wand and her pupils immediately go wide. The wave of delight when we have a breakthrough moment (the latest one being she went back to sleep and didn’t move away when I nestled my hand next to her in her cat bed). Exasperation when she nags me for food when I just fed her and I’m making my own meal or when she hisses at me because I about fell over her AGAIN because she insists on diving ahead of me into any room. Frustration when I struggle to communicate with her, like when she gets her claw stuck, starts to panic, and just panics more when I try to help.

Hanging out on her cat perch next to my bed.

In terms of power alone I get the owner is more like a deity. Does my cat view me as having a bunch of power? I know she gets I’m larger than her and a potential danger. I’m sure she also struggles to figure out how to interpret my behavior at times. She works to communicate with me and get me do do what she wants (meowing, purring, rubbing against me at times when food is conveniently involved). She knows that much comes from me: the wand only seems to fly when I’m around, I dispense food and treats-frustratingly not on command. I want to protect her, make sure she feels safe, keep her stimulated, and I want her to be healthy. So, fairly parental in feeling. Which fits with much of my relationship with God that I do feel it is quite parental in nature. In terms of her rights and privileges I consider her to be equal in deserving of respect. This means I do not get to touch her whenever I want or how I would like to touch her. I do not get to fall asleep with a ball of fur and purrs next to me. At least not yet. When leaving the door open to air out the apartment freaked her out significantly I closed the door. I have the power to change the environment in which she lives.

But to think that she views me with the awe that people generally view deities with I think would be inaccurate. To think that she understands things like that fact that I have the ability to utterly change her environment is a bit of a stretch. I mean, I have done that. I closed the door when she walked into my apartment. And she did not like that at all. Gave me a demanding, angry, meow at the door that I’m sure would translate along the lines of “Open it back up right now!” (I resisted a pun there, you are welcome). Ironically, now she is terrified of the outdoors. I have forced and tricked her into her crate multiple times for visits to the humane society and the vets office. But I don’t think many animals have the capacity to understand how another creature may affect their environment, let alone few creatures are able to exert significant change on their environment.

Basically the longer I contemplated it the more I saw some overlap between that of God/devotee and owner/pet. They are not the same in many ways of course. But there are some similarities. A connection formed with varying amounts of choice and enthusiasm. A connection between two different beings. A power dynamic that is not equal. A good relationship involves the development of trust and respect between both parties. This is done by the actions of both sides. Attempts from both sides to communicate clearly. Events that seem scary or possibly harmful but that have larger picture implications (having to repeat classes, vet visits, unhooking stuck claws, COVID). Implications which may never be comprehensible by one party (me with God or the cat with me).

And Then There Were Angels

Posted on July 6, 2019 by brightesttwilight

There are angels in many religions and cultures. I work with angels in the Abrahamic faiths. In Judaism, Islam, and Christianity there are canonical angels that are specifically written about in canon works. Canon means writings that are accepted by a specific group. Gabriel and Michael are examples as they are mentioned in canon literature for all three Abrahamic faiths. Some texts may be canon for one group but not another (for example-the books that make up the difference between Catholic Bibles and Protestant Bibles). There are angels that are known from people working with them over time in various places. And there are angels that are mentioned in non-canonical literature. The Book of Enoch is generally a non-canon source except for some groups in Ethiopia. Many names of angels are listed in this book including fallen angels.

For the longest time I worked with no other entities outside of the Trinity. Eventually I got a niggling feeling and curiosity about angels, specifically those in the Abrahamic religions. The end result was my asking God, if it was His will, to introduce me an angel to work with. I was in my inner space at the time, the place where I go through visualizations to commune with the Trinity. What followed was a series of what I later realized were signs as to who I was introduced to.

What is that old saying? Be careful what you wish for. Or in this case, pray for. Now, to be clear, I figured I’d be introduced to my Guardian Angel or some other angel with a fairly narrow slice of cosmic workings. It took me a few days to pinpoint who I had been introduced to. And a few more weeks to stop whining. Why? Because Archangel Michael showed up. And I was not expecting that at all. Michael was patient about it though. And I think the Trinity was delighted overall. I hadn’t specified Guardian Angel, I’d only said angel. And I’d put it in their hands. For myself, I thought it would have been rude to tell my God which angel to introduce me to or what angel I had decided to work with. They are His workers, His messengers.

I was adverse to the idea of working with an Archangel for a few reasons. I figured they were busy doing their jobs and I would be a bother. A friend pointed out to me that the Archangels must be quite lonely then, with so many people thinking that way. The other reason is that I felt apprehensive (still do to some extent) because I want a quiet life. A quiet career. And I want control. I’m in school with a very specific degree at the other end- too far in to change it now. A very specific career path with related but alternative careers as an option. I became quite nervous that the Trinity had other plans for me other than the ones I had in mind. It took me time to let go and realize that my relatively short term goals are fine. And it took time to let go of the desire for control over long term over goals. What I see and want now may change. Also, for anyone that knows me, quiet and calm is unlikely to ever be my life for an extended period of time.

I’ve been getting to know Michael over about the past year or so. I’ve never had to deal with him in his more warrior aspect. Then this summer I started getting the feeling that other angels were around or wanted to be around. I got signs at times or I would reach out for Michael and someone else would be present. In a few cases I was able to identify which angel specifically showed up. I got nervous. Until I am familiar with any being I get some amount of social anxiety. For about the last week, maybe two, I’ve had the feeling of others around and wanting to communicate. My response was to ignore the feeling. I distracted myself in every way I knew. Not really a good idea. I have noticed my mental health declines when I do things that separate myself from the Trinity. Ignoring is a great way to create separation.

I did stop eventually. And my little world is again upended. When I stopped ignoring the feeling I went to my inner space and invited those who wished to speak or be with me to come. Michael showed up, which I was not completely expecting. I asked who wanted to be known to me and the impression I got of “All of us”. A bit unsettling. Perhaps I am too easily unsettled. Uriel showed up next with the directions that things would be moving along now that I was done pretending they didn’t exhist. Later when I asked for clarification about what was meant by “all” a distinct number popped into my head. I was leaning towards the major 4 (although whom exactly those are does vary). I figured Michael likely meant archangels specifically. Fewer meant less work on my end figuring out names and getting to know them. More likely to be able to find out something about them. And concern over space on my alter was on my mind.

Those reasons sound weak to you? They did to the angels too. I got the impression of the number 12. How does one even start figuring out the names? I first made a list of the ones that had already introduced themselves. I got 5 from that. But where to go from there? I consulted and got Uriel who gave me the impression to look to the Kabbalah Tree of Life. I was briefly confused when I saw that for there are only 10 positions with an archangel associated with each position. But when I compared my lists I realized two that had introduced themselves were on my list that were not associated with the Tree. 12 total. Neat and tidy, relatively speaking.

I spend much of the next day trying to glean what I can about the 12 from sources I can find online. Which is quite difficult considering the amount of fluff that is present with varying degrees of potential accuracy. This includes little in the way of references that I can use to follow up on. So often people only want to consider angels as beings of love and light. I have a feeling that many of the angels have a duality that we do not often see or comprehend. My search for information goes beyond just names and jobs but also what associations are known about them. Colors, gems, plants, animals, ect… I figure it is another way to come to know them. My next step at this point is to try the local libraries but I have a feeling it might be hard to find good sources for the associations. But I’m not whining this time! Cosmic gold star maybe. And I’m not fretting overly about the contradicting or unverified information. They are archangels after all. If they want me to know something they will reveal it to me in some way.

If any are curious these are the names of the 12: Azriel, Gavriel, Haniel, Khamael, Metatron, Michael, Raphael, Raziel, Sandalphon, Tzaphkiel, Uriel, Zadkiel.

I welcome anyone with a good source about any of these angels to let me know! Books and sites are both welcome. I’m also investigating Kabbalah more so recommendations that way are welcome.

As always feel free to leave questions or comments.

Big T, little t

Posted on June 20, 2019 by brightesttwilight

One of the more interesting concepts I got out of RCIA (Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults) was that of Big T-little t. Don’t worry, this isn’t mathematics. The T stands for Tradition. And goodness knows, the Catholic Church dosen’t hold with that (please note-I’m not being serious. I mean really, it’s the Catholic Church). Tradition is a huge factor for people around the world. It shows up in cultures, societies, and religions. In RCIA they talked about Big T being those traditions that do not change, those practices or beliefs that are immutable. Little t stands for those traditions that do, have, or can change.

For example: that Catholics take communion has not changed but how they take communion or what is allowed as part of communion has changed. I was taught to hold out my hands, right hand over left, to accept the wafer and then put it in my mouth. I was told chewing was permissible. If I wanted to I could hold my hands over my chest and open my mouth for them to place the wafer into my mouth. It used to be that the wafer was always placed directly into the mouth and that one was to allow it to dissolve on its own. Also, communion wine is a little t. At my old parish the women that took care of the alter cloths got tired of getting red wine stains out and they changed to white wine. At least this is what I heard- third hand at least- as to why we didn’t use red wine. This can also be seen in the wider Christian practice as many churches use juice instead of wine or even juice like product (I’m refraining from a kool-aid joke. I’m not that horrible a person.)

Why talk about this concept? I’m going to start with an anecdote. I was at a youth group meeting in a parish far away from the one where I was baptized. I ended up explaining this concept to the group because during discussion several of the young adults got caught up in “why doesn’t the Church just tell everyone to do it like X”. I do not recall what exactly they were getting caught up on. The priest seemed to be struggling to find the words to explain to them that that the specific way of doing it was not the point. This differentiation between static and dynamic traditions allows for differentiation between regions and cultures within the Catholic Church. This was what some of the members of the group were missing the point about. The intention of the tradition does not always translate everywhere and to everyone in the same way. If the tradition is made static you risk losing the intent in the long run. And, at least to me, religion is in the intent. Otherwise it is just empty or automatic gestures.

I know interpretations on traditions factor heavily into my practice. Where I think a tradition comes from along with what I consider to be it’s intent and purpose factor into how or if I choose to go along with it.

Another big reason to talk about this concept is that I don’t think many people think about traditions enough. They take them at face value. “Because it’s tradition” is a phrase used to explain away or justify a lot in life. But if you don’t assess your individual, familial, community, cultural, and religious traditions periodically you get stuck. It used to be accepted tradition to leave newborns to die of exposure, to cut off hands for theft, to throw people into prison for debt, to hang or burn those accused of witchcraft. Among other traditions. Only when people assess traditions in light of current situations and in terms of their intended purpose and impact can they determine if a tradition will allow people to flourish, if it needs modification, if it is still fulfilling the desires of a deity, or if it is time to let it go. In religion especially people tend to get caught up in the minutiae as being Big T. I believe that most deities, however, are more focused on the larger picture. It’s the why we are doing, not as much the what, that is the point. Yes, as people, we establish ways of doing things to fulfill what we or what the Gods consider important whys. But so often we end up losing the why and cling to the ways, to the traditions, when they no longer fulfill their original intention.

If you have a question or if you need some clarification feel free to leave a comment!

©Brightest Twilight 2019

Magic and Me

Posted on June 16, 2019 by brightesttwilight

In my first post I talked about how divination, magic, and energy work fit into Christianity. For this post I’m going to talk about what this means for me in my practice.

Divination wise I primarily use two techniques. First is with bibliomancy: divination with the Bible. There are different ways to do this, I generally use a random number generator to indicate what book to look at. Then depending on the book, I may use the random number generator again to narrow it down further. Sometimes I have a specific question in mind with this technique but often it is done with more of a mindset of seeking what God wants me to think about. I used it for a specific question when I was contemplating the old practice of libations and offerings that were done in the Old Testament. I wondered if God wanted libations from me. I prayed about it and thought about it. And for the next three days, my randomly generated readings included an emphasis on libations and offerings. At that point, I went with yes. Now a few times every month, or whenever I get the urge, I offer a libation to God of red wine. I also frequently burn incense for the Trinity as an offering.

The other technique I use for divination is tarot. Unlike many tarot readers though my deck is specifically dedicated to the Christian Trinity. I pray to Him about a question or situation and ask that if it is His will I will be granted some clarity with the reading. Sometimes I do a weekly draw asking about what I should be aware of for that week. Sometimes I do multiple cards, asking other questions like what I need to be focusing on or what God wants me to do that week.

Magic is one thing I do not practice much. I have done one spell in regards to health. I do not endorse, under any circumstances, doing magic instead of going to a doctor. But I knew enough about the situation to know that the doctors would tell me I had been foolish (I had) and that all they could do was wait and see. I did a spell to support my body healing. I asked a friend more versed in Christian based magic than I for advice. The spell involved an index card with my name on one side, my specific request on the other. I grounded and centered myself next. I placed the index card under a red candle holder with a small green candle in it, the colors for healing and associated with specific Christian angels for healing. I read out loud the verses from psalms she recommended and prayed. Then the candle was lit and I let it burn all the way down. It worked. My body healed for which I am very grateful as if it had gotten worse it would have meant surgery.

I do a lot of energy work. I pray regularly. Both quick prayers-like for patience or strength-and longer communing prayers. I described this second style of prayer to a friend once and she said it sounded rather shamanistic. I always thought of it as a form of visual meditation. I am more likely to have a bit more of a back and forth in this form of prayer. I’m not talking about hearing God speak in terms of a voice in my head. Ideas, inclinations, maybe a fleeting emotion. Sometimes my goal in this is not a conversation as much as to feel a connection to the Trinity.

Other forms of energy work include warding my apartment. I created a few of them with slightly different intentions, tied them to a decorative cross on my wall, and handed the reins over to Jesus. This was after an overnight guest that was more sensitive than I had an encounter with a less than friendly spirit. It flat out ignored me in my room and focused on her in my living room. I am not so sensitive but thought it would be a wise idea to ward my apartment anyway.

I also utilize an amulet, a crucifix necklace that I made. It would work as an amulet whether or not I did anything intentional with it energetically because of the centuries of belief that have been poured into the shape. I also try to remember to cleanse it regularly and charge it with the intention of helping to shield me in my day to day life.

The Eucharist is another instance of energy work. I ground and center and use prayer and energy to bless the wine (and wafers, when I have wafers). In this case, I channel the Trinity’s energy into the wine and wafers before consuming them. This would be an instance of me being different from most Catholics. According to the Church, I cannot do this myself.

Overall, I feel like these practices have brought me closer with God and strengthened my relationship with the Trinity.

Christian…Magic?

Posted on May 5, 2019 by brightesttwilight

Defining terms is important. Magic to me means the intentional raising and focusing of energy for a specific goal. Magic can include spells, charms, incantations, or longer rituals. Energy work is the maneuvering of energy for a specific goal. Some examples of energy work are shielding and warding. Divination is the utilization of one of many tools to communicate with spirits in an attempt to bring clarity to a question or situation. The purpose of defining these terms is for me to explain why I see all of them included in Christianity in their various forms.

There is a common conception that Christianity contains none of these practices and that they are in fact considered taboo. The Bible says as much, right? Go ahead and google it, there are numerous lists that refer to the various passages of the Bible that condemn such practices. Of course, that would be ignoring the various places that don’t condemn the practices. I recommend that you google that as well. There are ample cases of casting of lots in the Bible, this is a form of divination- using a tool to divine the will of God. There are other cases in the Old Testament that cover different types of divination that were approved by God. Why the contradictions? Largely it seems to be context. Overall it seems that specific forms of magic and divination were not supported. Human sacrifices, working against the benefit of others, and the utilization of spirits other than God stand out as common themes. Although in some cases it seems that cursing was allowed if it was using God against a non-believer.

This common idea of taboo also ignores the traditions of Conjure, Ozark Mountain Magic, Braucherei, Appalachian Granny Magic, or Espiritismo. These are all Christian magical practices that are in use today.

And for those who are going to brush those off by saying that many do not practice those paths consider a few other things. First, the Eucharist in the Roman Catholic Church. The Church in this case believes in transubstantiation. The wine and wafer become the body and blood of Christ in essence if not in taste and appearance. Other Christian belief systems, like Lutheranism, believe in consubstantiation. This is the belief that the substance of the wine and bread exist at the same time as the blood and body of Christ. And how does Christ get into the Eucharist? I consider this to be energy work done by the clerics working with God. Exorcisms, though not as commonly done in these modern times, I would consider a form of magic. Faith healing-popular in some Protestant practices- I would consider magic. Prayer, depending on who is involved and how it is done, can be seen this way as either magic or energy work. Blessings on a home done by a lay person or by clergy are a form of warding-energy work. Crosses and crucifixes can help shield an individual or a space as they are amulets. They can be even more effective when utilized intentionally.

Why isn’t magic, energy work, and divination in these forms acknowledged in Christianity? That answer is fairly straight forward. Power dynamics. And I am not dumping on Christianity. Religious persons holding close to the vest practices that give them an edge has been in play likely since cultures began. In some ways it makes sense. Do you really want just anyone trying to perform an exorcism? Not likely. There is training and practice needed to channel the energy of a deity into wine and wafer to change them to hold a divine essence.

Divine Multiplicity

A Multi-Trad Polytheist Community

Author: brightesttwilight